When the Time is Right

Amazing how fast it can be when it happens. I felt so horrible this week. I had strained my neck overdoing it earlier this week. I wanted to get better so bad that I rushed things and ended up back in bed for two days. I then spent my time either in bed or on the couch. Then this morning I woke up and I felt different. Sure I still hurt, but I had energy! I felt alive! I took it slow though. I had after all, been an invalid for two weeks and just gone through surgery. I am pretty happy with this feeling, this feeling of being more myself. With my daughter's help I was able to make a simple dinner for the first time in two weeks! No one had to wait on me! I got my own water, still have to drink with a straw :( but I am doing it all myself! I sound almost normal when I talk, though I cannot raise my voice, so no yelling. I can sing, very softly or sotto voice, just not on a sustained basis. Ugh, does this mean I have to start cleaning my house?

A Long And Winding Road

Such is the road to recovery. I am getting stronger every day and my voice is starting to come back a bit. It is still not where it was, it is very soft and wispy. Hard to discipline children with a voice like this. I have a pot and a spoon that I am supposed to use to get their attention when I need them. I broke the spoon, sigh. They still didn't come to help me. I went to go out side and the dogs were so excited to see me that they were jumping on me. I tried to make my "eck" sound which means down. Didn't work. I ended up being puppy battered and had to beat a retreat to the house. This is very frustrating to me. I know it has only been a week and the doctor had said that it can take up to three weeks for the nerve to recover from the stress. I understand that intellectually, but there is still that little niggle at the back of my mind, that little worry. What if it is permanent? I had one of the best surgeons in the country. He did an amazing job with my surgery. There were no complications and I am healing well, all will be fine. I need to stop worrying. I tell myself this over and over. And I sing softly, "The long and winding road that leads to your door."

A Night At The Opera

Okay, so I wasn't actually at the opera, and technically I wasn't fat. But the saying "It isn't over until the fat lady sings" was somehow apropos. I was the last one in pre-op. All the other patients had been wheeled away to their destinies. I was left alone and forlorn with a nurse and a tech who was cleaning the gurneys so I did what any insane person would do and belted out a few tunes to keep my spirits up. Vacation by the Go-Gos, Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush, Dona Nobis an Elizabeth madrigal, My Favorite Mistake by Sheryl Crowe, Tonight and the Rest of My Life by Nina Gordon (they asked for it twice) Linger by the Cranberries. I sang because I was not sure if I would have a voice to sing with after that night. I still do not know. It will be a few weeks before I know. I write this with the memories of those songs in my head. Memories of being a teenager and having a garage band. Memories of the lullabies I sang my babies to sleep with. Memories of making up special songs for each of my children and now for my grand children who will each carry on with their clear high voices. Who will each sing their own songs now.